The Death Prep

Putting Affairs in Order, part II

Part of the death prep included a meeting with an antique’s appraiser. This was sort of like an episode of Antiques Road Show. I wanted to determine the value of some Object D’art. I took a “highly valued” (highly valued, apparently only by the person who gave it to me) silk hanging, which came from China in 1912. I couldn’t help but notice disdain from the appraiser when he announced the value to be $200. Ye gods, the frame cost more! Of course, my response was like responses from all the losers on ARS, “the value is in its meaning, it will never leave the family, will be passed down to my grandchildren”, etc. Actually for 100 grand both the family and I would happily part with the treasured heirloom!

And now for the obituary. Several years ago I asked my dentist to make a promise. The promise was to not let me last longer than my teeth. He agreed to this, however, he thought it might wind up a photo finish! Unfortunately he died before I did, but passed the promise along with the practice to his son. Anyway, keeping the teeth promise has been no small job for the son and the cost to me could have bought a small condo in Chippewa Falls. The price of vanity is steep.

Because of the financial impact I’ve had on my dentist’s income, perhaps we should just skip the obits and put the death notice in the business section. “Local dentist files chapter 11. This is linked to death of long time patient.” A nice touch might be a photo of me – big toothy smile, of course.

Well, now the death prep is complete – just one last thing to do. Pardon the expression, but for now I think I’ll pass on that.