He Came to Save the Marriage

 

He Came to Save the Marriage

He came in 1977, shortly after my ex-husband announced that he would be leaving me and our two sons. Roy was a high school friend of my husband. He had been in our wedding party and we had kept in contact over the years. Actually, it was my mother-in -law’s suggestion to ask Roy for help when we were both pretty hysterical with the news of my husband’s leave taking. Yes, I had good relationship with Ted’s mother. In retrospect, I think she was very instrumental in our marriage ever happening. But, this is for another blog.

Over the years, Roy has been a marriage encounter coach, a lay person aiding priests, a peace activist, and has written a few books. We thought if anyone could save the marriage, it would be Roy. He flew in on a Friday night . It was late October and quite chilly, so we had a fire going making our living room warm and welcoming. The mood was anything but. I was instructed that there would be no drinking, alcohol that is. Eek! No drinking?! We all grew up in an area where beer was considered one of the food groups and the 1953 beer strike was referred to a the Great Famine.

Anyway, being eager to have this work, I had a pot of coffee brewing. Because Ted didn’t expect Roy, there was an awkward half hour until thankfully, the no alcohol rule was lifted when Roy asked if he could have a beer. Could he ever! We all had the drinks of our choice and this helped ease the discomfort we were feeling. Let me not digress, however the therapeutic benefits of alcohol are generally not touted. The conversation now flowed and plans were made for my husband and Roy to spend the next day together.

We naively hoped that this situation was just a little mid-life crisis and a heart to heart talk with an old friend would make it all okay. What we didn’t know was that, of course, there was another woman involved. Yes, trite as it appears, the other woman was the secretary. The one and same secretary from a previous blog, “Three’s a Crowd”.

So this chapter ends – Roy didn’t succeed in saving the marriage. Ted didn’t leave for another few very difficult months. He left and then came back for short time and then left again. All this and the sadness and fear that I was feeling was disastrous for my teen aged sons, who were also grieving. So began the genteel poverty years.

We all coped in own ways and we eventually came out whole. For me, the divorce was the best thing that ever happened! After some time I renewed my real estate license and had almost 50 years of doing what I enjoyed. Check out a previous blog, “Tales from the Trenches”. To put it simply, I came into my own. Roy and I continued to keep in touch – he was a great comfort helping me get through the stages of grief.

We had, what will probably be our last visit, this past week. I flew to Minnesota and we enjoyed a Thai food lunch, lots of talk, and some hugs. So Roy, if you read this, know that you have been an important part of my life - thank you.

PS. This visit was only possible because my dear friends, Matt and Debbie ,who were there to cart this old lady around Minneapolis. They will be featured in a future blog.